That girl

I am so tired of being "that" girl. That girl that is passionate about everything she does. That girl that will give you the last shirt off of her back if you ask. That girl that will do anything you ask them too without asking for anything in return. That girl that will sit and hold everything in until she is about to burst. That girl that feels like she is constantly in the wrong. There are so many things I could list.

Let me explain, at least part of this rant. Anyone ever had one of those friends that is "never wrong"? And even if they are wrong will sit an argue all day long? I'm not one of those people. Now, I am not saying that I am always right and I admit when I am wrong. But when I talk to people like this and realize that they are like this, I probably do the wrong thing and just go along with it all. I hate arguing. Tonight, while speaking with a friend that I have that is like this, I exploded. Not in a way that should have caused me to feel the way I do. But in a way that to me just seemed like I was saying "hey, over here, listen to me, I have an opinion too!" And yet, I was still the one made to feel like a jerk, like the biggest d-bag ever. And to top it all off, it was over something minute, something stupid. So I waited a few minutes, smoked myself a ciggarette and calmed down and then I apologized. And I'm not even sure why I apologized. I was actually right. But I apologized for blowing up and being right. I feel like I tucked my tail between my legs and just fed into what she was saying. All she had to say, "you do what you need to do, I'm not sweating it. It was childish." After that response I really felt like I shouldn't have apologized. It was childish and yet you were the one who started the whole argument and told me I wasn't listening to what you were saying. I was the one who was made to feel like absolute shit. And I still feel like absolute shit even though I know that I shouldn't.

So needless to say, my whole night was basically ruined. So in my festering madness I actually sat down and did some thinking. I will do and do and do for others all day long and then when I ask for help with something I get nothing, I won't say all of the time, but most of the time. I've decided that I will no longer be "that girl". I am actually going to start limiting what I do for others. I have always felt like I was a pretty decent person and tonight I was actually questioning that. I don't like that fact at all. And I don't like the way I was made to feel. And now because I'm pissed off I can't get out of my slump. I've started cleaning things that didn't need to be cleaned because that is what I do when I am mad. I clean and I mean I clean. I decided to sit down and type this whole thing out because I wonder if any of you mysterious readers go through this. And if you do, I'd really like to know how you deal with it!!!!!

Any suggestions or commentary would be amazing!

Back in Action

I must say that I apologize fully for being absent so long. We let people stay a few days with us and then my whole family ended up with the flu. And then we finally had a normal week and now here I am.

We found a dog last night. A gorgeous german shepard who answers to the name of Zeus. Needless to say, I am already falling in love with him. I'd love to keep him here with us but for now we are trying to find his owners. My husband has given me a week to find them and if I haven't by then we have to discuss what to do. But as long as I have a say, this sweet baby won't go to a shelter.

My Abigayle has recently found her attitude. I swear she is 9 months going on 16. All day long all I hear is "Bubba". Bubba is the nickname she has given her big brother. Once I tell her that he is at school, she hollars at me! Its like "geez mom, why'd you send him to school?" I hope they get along as well as they do now when they are a little older!!!!

Not much has been going on and I really have nothing profound to say here lately. I'm kind of just going through the motions of living. I know thats not a very good way to go but I feel like time is passing way to quickly and this D-day will be here before we know it! And of course once D-day gets here and passes, the days will drag by. This is exactly what happened last deployment. I must say I don't like it. I know all of us fellow military wives go through this too. But today it just seems to be hitting me harder than normally.